How to rob a bank in the 21st century
Waving a gun around in a bank is SO 1980s. Bank robbers are having to use some high-tech tactics to get their hands on cash.
I never told you any of this, mum.
Bank robbery, like suicide, is a romantic sort of crime. Just recently it has been featured as a massive plot point in the film ‘Now You See Me’ – about magicians who at the beginning of the movie steal more than $100 million and give it, Robin Hood style, to a crowd of Las Vegas punters. And then, of course, who hasn’t heard of thieves and slick-handed bank robbers like Robin Hood, John Dillinger, Willie Sutton and Patty Hearst (who I once thought was a brand of funeral vehicle)?
So who could blame my young self from wanting to go down the route of this particular brand of crime? Bank robberies – perhaps – speak to our desire for freedom. To feel less confined in a world where regulations are as ubiquitous as the air we breath. We’re a Thelma, admiring the guts and panache of a daring Louise. In the words of bank robber Criminal Sha “When everyone used to want the so-called bad guy to die, I wanted him to live, and when the cowboys fought the Indians, I rooted for the Indians.” A successful bank robber – however he or she is condemned – inspires the public into believing that the rules are not as hard-and-fast as they appear.
Look, I’m not encouraging you to rob a bank. But if you wanted to a rob a bank, if you wanted to inspire the people with your daring and libertarianism, I’m not going to be the guy that stops you. That’s all I can say. To you people who don’t want to rob a bank but are curious to know how it could work in this day and age, I’ve got your back: read on. It’ll be cathartic for me. And if you, potential bank-robber, should also read this piece? I really can’t stop you.
First of all, I’m gona be straight: you can’t rob banks with your classic: “stick ‘em up”, have the teller fill your bag and escape in your get-away vehicle. It’s just not going to happen. These days biometric technologies (eye/fingerprint scanning and the like), time-locked vaults, silent alarms, exploding dye packs – sometimes concealed within the money itself – will make a hash job of your heist.
An exploding dye pack inside a bundle of cash.
Go where the money is
If you’re happy to get “stuck in” with the bank robbing process, there are quite a few options available. On a relatively small-scale, you can use clone debit cards, which can hack a bank from an ATM. For this to be effective, you’d need to disable the ATM’s withdrawal limit, which mean you could withdraw more than the allotted few hundred dollars a day. The key to a good heist is speed, if you’re slow you get caught. Hackers can disable withdrawal fees online – in the US at least. Alternatively, these intrepid individuals used oxyacetylene welders to bust open ATMs and just took the money, They kept portable acetylene tanks on-hand to perform the task over the course of a night.
The blowtorch gang breaking into an ATM.
The tunnel used to break into the bank.
Alternatively, there are the “smart” methods – although to be fair tunneling under a bank isn’t exactly easy. In September of this year a group of thieves successful stole 1.3 million pounds ($2.1 million) from the British bank, Barclays. The “Barclays Gang” posed as IT workers and, during their “operation”, set a KVM (Keyboard-video-mouse) which allows someone to access the computer remotely. They then siphoned off the money – transferring it from customer accounts to their own bank accounts. This is apparently a “hot” technique – so get it while you can before the opportunity closes.
The KVM device used to steal money from Barclays bank accounts.
There’s a few things to remember about living your life afterward. If the money is “marked” i.e. if it is identifiable as stolen currency, you need to deposit abroad or look for “unscrupulous” individuals. Don’t flaunt your money, for goodness sake. If you had the patience to plan the heist, have the patience to spend it at an inauspicious rate. Alternatively, you could money launder Breaking Bad-style. I’m not recommending this course of action, just saying it exists.
Well, there’s some ideas to kick around on a rainy day. Crime can pay, if you’ve got the smarts, the right guys and a little seed money. The most important thing to remember is: do the unexpected. Be “the smartest guy in the room”. Don’t get caught. And whatever you do, do NOT take me seriously. I’m just joking. Jeez. Chill.
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